controversy

My therapist says she thinks that I have perfected the art of pushing someone away.

I have to stop getting scared or I'll destroy everyone.

Where do i start to turn myself around, how can it go back?
How do I clean up the mess I've made?

It's crazy to think that something that happened so long ago is still effecting my actions today. It's been years upon years and I'm still not over what happened.

One day I'll accept it and move on, one day...

Having someone pull you apart to find reasons for your actions really sucks but it helped a lot actually.

ugh, I just don't know anymore.

Hypocritical

I've always hated that about you.






And now I'm standing on my rooftop I
Sure could use someone to talk to
Someone to make this alright
I'm done pretending.

It's unbelievable

how completely full of shit you are. Sorry but I'm just being honest.

Feels like everyone has a different side to your story.

You might be able to play everyone else like they are dumb but I know better.

and fyi "FUCK YOU" isn't really a great thing to say when you follow it up with "I love you"

Completely contradicting, as always.

I just can't do it anymore.

Say what you mean for once and mean what you say.

STOP LYING TO YOURSELF or me, whichever it is that you are doing because your stories just don't add up.

This is my last post in regards to you. I'm shutting the door and focusing on myself. I have to, sorry.

It's nice knowing

that I can be comfortable being so close to someone else. (:



The apartment search is on! Mom and I are going out to find me somewhere new to live. I can't take being home anymore...it brings me down.


I have so much to look forward to over the next few days and months, I can't wait! (:

ahh

I just don't know about this...

Last night

I realized that I am more okay than I thought I was.

It feels good. (:

In all honesty,

I'm really glad last night happened. I finally broke down, it took enough verbal abuse in one sitting to finally make me break. I've never been so emotionally unstable ever and I don't like it. I need to go find my self esteem because I lost it somewhere along the way. I've never felt so low but I know that I am so much better than that. I learned more about myself in three hours than I have my whole life. It was the worst experience ever but at the same time I needed it.

Never again will I cry because of a boy.
Never again will I let myself be verbally abused.
Never again.

I'm just going to lay low for a while, a long while, and keep to myself. I need to love myself before I can even begin to love someone else. I'm more of a mess now than ever and I need some serious time to clean myself up.

LOVE

I wanted to

but I never could



I've lost faith.

I need to be on my own for awhile, a long while.
for once at least.

Is it guilty in here

or is it just me?! ;) haaaaa!


Tonight was just what I needed to clean up the mess I had made of myself these past few days. I now know that I am going to be just fine and knowing that eases my mind more than you could ever imagine. Things happen, what's suppose to work out will in the end. I wont let this bring me down, or anything else for that matter. Looking at the positives of everything and it feels so good.




It's not what I thought it was.
yea, it's really not.
it's so much moreeeeee




EDIT;;;
CONSIDER YOURSELF ERASED.

That could have been me!? ahhhh

I'm so very glad that it's not. Young and dumb are definitely the two words I would use to describe myself during that time period in my life in which you were around. I've learned so much from you and since then. It blows my mind to look back and see how serious I was about it then. I can't even imagine talking about those sorts of things with anyone at this point in my life. I don't even know what it is that I want these days yet back then I was so sure. Crazy how things change and ohh boy have the changed. (FOR THE BETTER IN EVERY WAY POSSIBLE) I couldn't be happier with my life than I am these days. It's crazy how things happen, it all works out amazing in the end. (:



The mistakes we knew we were making..



Looking back it's crazy to think we ever talked about getting married and planned out our lives together. I'm so glad I didn't rush into that and make that mistake. It's weird planning out your whole life with someone and then watching someone else live it out. Don't take that the wrong way, I in no way want to be in that position. haha It's just weird.

All in all, You're a good guy when you really want to be. Be good to her and don't give up. Control your temper when you get mad and try to see both sides of every argument. Remember what's important in life and forget about all of the petty bullshit. I really hope you've grown up, matured and changed your boyish ways.

I can honestly say, I am really happy for you. I wish the both of you the best of luck and I hope you have an amazing life together. Congratulations! (:

You've got your share of secrets

and I'm always last to know

ME, MYSELF & I

I am done putting other people before myself. No one appreciates it. I'm done compromising my wants to please someone else.

It all comes back to feeling like I'm never good enough....

I'm not apologizing for who I am. Love me for who I really am or don't love me at all.

It feels good

to be so comfortable. I didn't think it would ever get to this point.

Glass

I see right through you.

I'm sorry

I can't meet your expectations, I just don't have it in me.