These thoughts in my mind are starting to consume my life. ha I have so much going on that i don't even know where to begin trying to sort them all out. I have these images..ohh the wonderful images in my brain. ha I wish i could print them out and share them with the world, maybe then someone would understand my views and way of thinking. Or maybe they would just get me...i don't know. I just wish there was someone who understood how i was feeling so that i could talk to them. People say they understand but they don't. Unless you've been in this place you never will.

I've just felt recently, like i have no idea who i am. I hide my feelings and put on a "show" for everyone. Everyone things i have everything together when really...im on the cusp of crumbling apart. I hate not knowing things about my life. I like knowing what is up ahead and what is going to come next and right now i don't have that security and i am beginning to freak out. :( I am a control freak, i blame my mom for this, and i don't really feel as though i have control of anything going on in my life at this current point in time. It's a shitty feeling, no knowing what is up ahead. I lose control and then everything just seems to spiral downward, i need to gain back some control before i throw everything away. I've thrown enough away this year because i got scared and freaked out. I don't want to do that anymore.