Reality is

this world just isn't cut out for marriage.

[I'm just rambling because some people have seriously disappointed me recently..]

I have lost almost all hope for TRUE love. Everyone is just all about themselves and getting themselves off that they don't consider the other persons feelings who which they are involved with.

Truth is, EVERYONE wants to have their cake and eat it too. Think about it, who wants to just have cake and no be able to indulge? However, you must understand that your actions don't just harm you but that they harm everyone around you as well. Think before you do something, you will save yourself a lot of trouble. Trust me, I know..

Honesty is such an important thing in a relationship. Yes, I myself really have no room to talk on this subject because I have lied in my past but never about being with someone else. I can honestly say that I have never once cheated and I have never once thought about cheating. If I want to be with someone else I will be but not while I am dating someone else. I'm committed to the person that I am involved with and completely committed at that. I don't just date anyone and when I do it's legit....for me at least.

Honesty, loyalty and respect are so important to me. I know I've messed up a few times in the past but I am trying more than ever to right my wrongs.

The people around me are really damaging my view on love and marriage and all things of that nature. I just don't understand how you can say you are "in love" with someone and yet be sleeping around on them and such. I also don't understand why people stay with or go back to people who have cheated on them. In my opinion if you do it once you'll do it again, esp since you were not punished for you actions. I have been in the situation with someone that I once thought I loved...Once you see who they really are and realize what they have been doing you start realizing that they never really loved you because if they did then they would be completely committed to you and ONLY you. Words are just words until you follow through. It's a tough lesson to learn but a good one and I am glad that I have experience that and at a young age. I now know what I can tolerate and what I can not and also what I am looking for in a significant other.

I know that I myself am not capable of cheating. I coud never do it. I have experienced it in all forms and there is just no way I would put someone I cared about through something like that. I don't know how people can sleep at night knowing they have cheated. Perfect example, and yeah it's personal but whatever, Jared and I had broke up and Branden and I were hanging out a lot more than before. We stayed the night at Josh's house one night and I kissed him. The next night I hungout with Jared and one thing led to another and we ended up having sex. Branden and I weren't even really in the "talking" phase or anything at this point. I felt so bad about it because I cared about Branden so much and I wanted to pursue things with him that I told him two days later. It was seriously eating away at me. I just don't see how people can do it! I was single and not tied to anyone and felt bad and I regret it to this day and always will. That's honestly the only thing in my life I regret doing and I would never make a mistake like that again.

I don't really know exactly how I really feel towards relationships and marriage and being "in love" I want to believe that something so amazing does exist but I just have yet to fully experience it or know of anyone who is experiencing it.



As if no one knows already.....
But I have a pretty amazing lovaa<3 (: ! haha

Branden is honestly the most amazing person I have ever come into contact with and I hope that no matter what we will always stay close. We have hit some bumps in the road a long the way, mostly because I was being dumb, but we are working on things. I have faith that we will work things out and maybe just maybe he will mean it some day...
It's hard to explain the way that he makes me feel. All I can say for sure is, I have finally found something R E A L . <3 ILY (:

IT DOESN'T GET ANY BETTER.

Being with Branden keeps my hope alive. He's the only person who makes me feel like relationships really are worth the time and effort you put into them. Even if you do have a few problems along the way. I'm excited to see what the future has in store for us. (: