Lifestyle

I can honestly say in the last six or seven months that my lifestyle has changed drastically. I guess no one else sees it that way, but i do. I've gone from super party girl getting drunk every night to never going out or always being DD. I never go to clubs anymore, it's just not a good idea. I have a phobia of weird people touching me in ANY kind of way. Even when people walk by you and just put there hand on your back and stuff, it creeps me out. I guess I've been through enough bad experiences in that area and that's why i get so freaked out. I am not at all the same person I was last summer, even though people still associate me with it.

Drinking just isn't my thing anymore. Every since I drank at a hotel with Branden and his friends and apparently was hitting on his good friend I haven't really drank. I don't like not being able to remember what I do or say for that matter. That's how shit happens and I'm just not down for that. I've been there once already, I refuse to go back. Even with people I'm completely comfortable around it still freaks me out. It always takes me back to that one time. I feel like I'm holding myself back in a way but I don't necessarily think it's a bad thing. Trying to drink away your problems is just not the answer, I use to be that girl..but not anymore. A temporary fix just isn't what I am looking for these days. Admitting I use to drink to escape my problems is a big deal for me and I guess I've just started realizing it the past few months. I don't want to be that person, that is also a reason why I'm just not about drinking anymore.

It just seems like that is all anyone ever does. No one I know is capable of having sober fun, it's all about getting wasted and high or fucked up on some other drug. It kind of sucks. I'm down for having a good time and all and in no way am i being a hypocrite because I drink and smoke too but sober fun is better in my opinion. It's bad when everything you say starts with "and this one time we were so fucked up..." haha but I mean, we are all guilty of that one.

I think it's time for me to stay away from some of that for a while. Until quad fest at least. ;) haha Plus, I don't mind being DD...at least I know I'm safe and the people I care about are safe. Being the only sober one isn't always a bad thing, it's funny to watch everyone make an ass out of themselves. haha (:






from here on out, I'm controlling my attitude and just blowing shit off. Like you say, "If it don't apply, let it fly" and in this case even if it does I'm letting go of it. It shouldn't be a constant battle, pick and choose them. Not everything needs to be disputed...most likely 75% of the time it isn't worth the energy you put into them anyways.

I'm really hoping things work from here on out because I'm honestly genuinely happy when I am with you.<3 I am at the point where I just don't even notice anyone else. I haven't for a while but like really don't notice now. I'm so caught up no one else even matters.

You can't say those words and be numb, you can't.