I feel detached from everyone. I'm not the same person I once was and honestly, I miss that person. I don't like being the "negative nancy" that I have been recently. Sometimes it's just hard to find the good in things when the bad out weighs it. I'm full of so much animosity. I have no one to really blame but myself for all of this. I never talk about the serious things in my life because... well, no one cares to listen. That's pretty much what it comes down to. That and no one can relate really. At times it's hard to picture what the future could be because of the fact that I am so stuck on the past. It's a bad habit of mine. However, I am trying to have a more optimistic outlook on life. Yea, it's a lot harder than I thought it would be.
My inner struggles with myself are destroying my world around me as I speak. It sucks to know that I am self destructing everything that I have ever wanted. I know that you see what I am doing and I just want to apologize to everyone I have hurt along the way. I don't mean to do the things I do..which I know just sounds like I am making excuses. I am really trying to not let other things that are completely irrelavent to other people affect my attitude towards them. We will see how well that works out. Hopefully it's an improvement.
I can honestly say that there is only one person who is in my life right now that I truely respect and that is Branden Andrew Youngs. It has nothing to do with the fact that we are dating...he has never once let me down, ever. He has always been there and always stuck by his word. I've never met anyone like that before. I don't even respect anyone in my family but I do this kid that I haven't even known a whole year. He keeps me going...even when we aren't speaking to one another. He has no idea how much he helps me everyday. I really do appriciate everything he does for me, event he things he doesn't know he does. I am so lucky to have him in my life.
I just don't want to feel alone anymore, I almost always do.
It really sucks that it has taken me this long to realize everything that I have been doing, Not only to myself but everyone around me. I have to change or I wont ever have anything or anyone. Something has to happen and soon.
I have no idea where I am going from here but hopefully it's a better place than I have been recently.
About Me
- Nicole
- Chesapeake, Virginia, United States
- GET OUT WHILE YOU'RE STILL BREATHING INSIDE SHE'S A MANEATER, SHE'LL EAT YOU ALIVE
1 comment:
When I recently began going to my therapist, after a bunch of sessions he told me, "I'm still not sure what you want to accomplish. Everytime you come in here, I ask you if you have any new plans or goals or anything... and no matter what you start out saying, you always go back to talking about the past. You need to let go of that." Guess I find myself stuck sometimes too.
I just want you to know that I really DO care, and I'm always willing to listen. I thought you knew that. If I have ever let you down, I apologize. I know I'm not your best friend, but I'm still your friend, and I do care, Obviously more than you realize. I have a lot of respect for you and I feel like that's mutual.
You and I have had different problems growing up. I've been through some things that you could never relate to, and you've been through things that I could never relate to either.
Sometimes though, that doesn't really matter. Sometimes it's nice just to know there's someone who pays attention, and actually tries to understand. At least, that's how I feel. So just know that I'm always always here for you, no matter what you want to talk about. Things will get better for you, you know that. Optimism is good and I'm glad to know that you are keeping your head up. Just know that I'm around in case you need a little encouragement along the way.
<3
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