Funny how time and distance change you

The road you take don't always lead you home....

I feel like I have to write a blog just to get through to you because I can't talk to you any other way due to the fact that you suck at life and wont pick up your phone or respond to a text. It's pretty sad this is what it has come down to but I know you will read this eventually. Probably not for a long time but you know maybe then you will realize what has happened because I don't think you're seeing the bigger picture right now. I've never been so disappointed and let down in my life I don't think. Honestly, I've never been more excited about anything in my life but now I know never to excited like that ever again because being let down hurts so much worse when you were so stoked on it happening to begin with. You're like a brother to me dude and I never thought I'd have to go through all this again, at least not with you.

I feel like I have no idea who you are anymore and you know..at this point I don't care to know. After all these years I never would have thought you would act the way that you have the past 10 days. It's been almost a year since the last time I saw you and while you were here I got a whole TWO hours of your time. I even stayed up half the night just to get that much. It's a good thing I didn't fall asleep waiting around on you since I had got off work that night or I guess I wouldn't have seen you at all. I realize that you have a lot going on in your life right now but uhm...you made a lot of time for Ashley while you were home and yet I, your "lil sis && best friend" got two fucking hours out of ten whole days. What the fuck is up with that? I don't know if this has anything to do with Ashley's sister or what not but if you are going to put a girl before me than you deserve everything that comes your way. I know I sound really mean but uhm...really? I thought I knew you so much better than this. Maybe I would understand more about you not responding to my texts or answering my phone calls or calling me back if you weren't on your phone while you were with me, but you were! I just don't get you anymore. I'm honestly done. It is things like this that are the reason why I have such a hard time trying to commit to anyone. I open up to people and let them in and become close with them and they just find some way to waltz right out of my life, their choice NOT mine. I can't take it anymore. Everyone I've ever cared about has just walked out of my life and you were the ONE person I thought would always be there, always. You said you would, but I guess you lied...just like everyone else. It hurts.... You were like family to me, I put you before my own brother. He's pretty much out of my life I guess you are now too. I can honestly say this came straight out of left field, I was not, in any way, expecting this. I never would have expected this...not from you. How can you just throw away all those years? the past seven years of your life with me? I don't get it. I'm honestly really hurt. I loved you kid, more than anything in this world because you were always there for me, even miles upon miles away because of the air force. I've always been there for you, always and i always would be but I just can't. Not anymore. You've burned your bridges and bridges for other people as well at this point. I'm sure I'm being redundant but truth be told, I don't give a fuck. There is just so much I need to say and want to say but I can't because you don't answer when I call and you don't call me because you are so consumed with other people that you don't have time for me. I don't know what's worse, knowing you are with other people and could careless about spending time with me or not seeing you at all. To be honest, I think I would have rather not known about you coming home at all.

When you read this I hope you realize what is going on and what you've turned this into.

I've never cried over a dude I wasn't seriously involved with before....congrats on being the first and only because I'll never let this happen again.


Who was I kidding? Did I really think we could make it through all the time and distance and still stay close?
Truth be told, yeah...I did...

Anyone who doesn't know you and I and our relationship towards one another would think we've been dating for the last seven years of my life but you know...this is by far way worse than any break up could ever be or has ever been.

I hope you are happy with all the decisions you've made while you've been home and when you go back to Kansas as well...






I mean, who needs a best friend anyways?