I've never felt more alone than I have recently.

I need a friend, a good friend
someone I can tell everything to
well not everything but most things
someone I can be around and not be annoyed with
someone who will always be there for me
someone I can just talk to when I need to say things
someone who doesn't judge me

I just want to be close to someone aside from Branden.
I need someone aside from my "boyfriend" to talk to about things
and hangout with and do random dumb things with

I just want someone who I can always count on
and I don't have that right now.

I mean Justin is about as close as I have to that
but with him being so far away due to the air force, it sucks.
Talking on the phone is better than nothing
but I need someone to physically be here for me as well.

I really feel quite alone these days
I find myself reading a lot
and driving around with no destination
which is nice, but I'd like to get out every now and then.

And I don't know why
because I never cared before
but...
I REALLY MISS MY BROTHER.

bet you never thought I'd ever say that.
Despite all of the shitty things he has done
and all the shit he has put me through
he is family and I miss having him around.

I hold so much inside of me
and put up all of these walls
to keep people out
and its ruining my current relationship
or almost did once already anyway
and I would hate for it to cause the end of Branden and I.

I need to rid myself of these walls that I have built
or I will always be on my own because I will never let anyone in
Or let anyone get close

To be honest, that's really all I want.
To be close to someone outside of my relationship with Branden.


I hope whoever reads this doesn't think that I am depressed.
I am actually very far from to be honest.
I have a lot going for me and couldn't be more excited for what's to come.



JUSTIN COMES HOME IN A MONTH
COULDN'T BE ANY MORE STOKED!!!!

It's been almost a year, I can't wait!